Everyone endures hardships. If those hardships begin interfering with your profession, social life, school work, personal relationships, or relationship with yourself, it might be time to seek some therapy. I offer a safe place for you to share those difficulties, celebrate successes, and understand exactly what you want from life.
Location 1:
2423 Camino Del Rio South Ste. 103
San Diego CA 92108
Location 2:
911 Catalina Blvd
San Diego CA 92106
Filed under Welcome to Therapy
Author: Sheilah Overman, MS., Marriage & Family Therapy Intern, and IMF #71336
I was inspired to write this article after reading, Megan Jay’s book: The Defining Decade.
If you are currently in your twenties, or recall being in your twenties, you may have heard this line many times: “Right now I just wanna have fun, I don’t wanna worry about a career, or finding the right girl/ guy.”
It doesn’t hurt to have fun, and it sure doesn’t hurt to take time to find Mr./ Mrs. Right; But, you may want to remember that “Just having fun” can quickly turn into, “I am almost 30 and have no savings, no career, and thought I’d be married by now!”.
I often work with men and women in young adulthood (20’s), and often spend time listening to clients describe how they felt as though they did not have a sense of urgency during early adulthood because, after all, they had 10 long years until they needed to be an adult (a.k.a. “Turned 30”).
What many of my clients eventually realized was, they were not fully utilizing these precious years to position themselves to launch their long-term game plans. They were not preparing themselves to live their ideal lives.
Many people might explain that they did not know what their “ideal lifestyle” was in their 20’s, so they just “had fun” and hoped that it would “eventually all make sense”. Well, that is one way of looking at it…
When speaking to people who utilize their 20’s in a way that allows them to work towards their future goals, their perspective is a bit different. These young adults intentionally seek to poise themselves in careers, circle of friends, and hobbies that allow them to walk toward understanding, then aligning with the long term lifestyle that they desire. The difference is, intentionality! Do things “just eventually happen”, or do you go out and create opportunities for yourself?
I encourage you to live with intentionality and read Megan Jay’s book, The Defining Decade.
Filed under Uncategorized
“It’s the simplest of things that have the greatest impact.” We have heard similar notions before.
A couple chilly evenings ago my fiancé and I were sitting at a local restaurant enjoying massive bowls of steaming pho. Our conversation somehow lingered into the topic of “compliments”. He mentioned that he noticed that I tend to give out plenty of compliments throughout the day. I thought it was a bit interesting that he noticed something as minuet as that.
“Really?…I do?” I asked.
“Yea, its actually something I really like about you.” He replied.
“Huh, I guess I never really noticed that I do that.” I said.
He said, “You do. It’s nice to see that you find the goodness in people and random things.”
As our discussion deepened and he began giving me more examples of how I tend to deliver compliments, I eventually agreed with him.
“Yea, I guess I do give out plenty of compliments!” I said.
“You really do.” He added. “It’s nice, and I suppose that is partly why people are attracted to you. People like positive people.”
Now, I am not sharing this dialogue to talk about how positive I am…that is simply not the point. The point is: I want you to pay attention to the amount of compliments you give throughout the day. Are you someone who tends to give them out freely, or do you think those nice things, but for fear of rejection, sounding silly, or feeling shy, just keep them in your head?
How does it feel when you receive a compliment?
“Wow, you have an awesome smile!”
“You did a great job on that project!”
“I love that color on you!”
“You inspired me today!”
When I get even the simplest of compliments, I notice that my entire outlook on the day gets more cheerful. I personally don’t have any scientific evidence to prove this point, but the feeling is undeniable. However, there are studies that shed light on this very topic; Read more about how people preform better after receiving compliments here.
I want to challenge you to up your compliment-giving this week. Be mindful about how you feel giving genuine, heartfelt acknowledgments of other people or things. Pay attention to their reaction, take note of the feeling you get while witnessing their reaction. I am almost certain that you will feel more connected to others and even strike up conversations with random people whom you may never have talked to otherwise. Who knows, you might even make a friend!
If we had more time, I would explain how a simple compliment given to me on an airplane eventually led to a wonderful friendship. A year later, we had gone on dozens of lunch and brunch outings and I even attended her wedding! How’s that for the power of a compliment!?
When you give a compliment, you are manifesting positivity into your life and the lives of those around you. Sound silly? Try it. If you already do so, do more.
Oh, and by the way…you look fabulous today!
Filed under Mood
Filed under Uncategorized
Author: Sheilah Overman, MS., Marriage & Family Therapy Intern, IMF #71336
According to Dictionary.com, the definition of fear is: “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.”
I am driven to write this article after spending the weekend with a good friend whom I have known for several years. She is at an interesting point in her life, wherein she is not quite content at her job and wants to relocate to a new city to be closer to her family. She knows what she needs to do in order to feel more content with her life, yet she attributes fear as being the culprit that keeps her idle. She fears that she won’t be able to navigate a new and bigger city. She fears that she won’t make new friends fast enough. She fears that she won’t find her ideal job. She fears that she won’t be able to sell her home. She fears that she won’t be able to afford a new home. And the list kept growing…
These fears may touch base with many of you because many of you may have held similar concerns at some point in your life. Fear is a universal emotion, and depending on one’s perception, can be used to either motivate or cripple.
When our fear is perceived as something that is too lofty to overcome, we learn to become familiar with it and unintentionally accommodate it into our lives. Once someone has internalized a fear, their confidence associated with certain tasks may plummet.
For example, If someone believes that their fear of public-speaking will never go away, they may begin to believe that public-speaking is simply not for them, they will constantly avoid speaking in public, turn down job offers that require speaking at meetings, and begin to understand one’s self as “someone who will never be good at speaking in public”. Bottom line, fear has won because you have subconsciously allowed fear to determine what choices you make.
Choosing to be motivated by fear takes a bit of effort. If someone is afraid of public speaking, rather than allow fear to hinder them, they could opt to take small, manageable steps in effort to combat that fear. I.e., raise their hand in class/ at work meetings to offer ideas or ask questions, take a free public speaking course at a community college, join a group (like a book club), which meets regularly and allows an opportunity to share opinions and ideas in a group setting.
To overcome your fear:
It is in discomfort that we grow the most. When we stop pushing ourselves to learn something new, experience something novel, and feel something different is when we begin living on autopilot. Instead, consciously choose to break free from limiting yourself to your comfortable routines and embrace the unknown with curiosity.
Filed under Fear
Source: pinner.in
Author: Sheilah Overman, MS., Marriage & Family Therapy Intern, IMF #71336
Well here we are, middle of November with the holidays just around the corner. For the sake of keeping things fresh and different, how about we go about things differently this year? Instead of stressing about relatives, presents, cooking, and traveling to and fro, why don’t we mix things up a bit and go the unconventional route? Perhaps even, create a new family tradition this year!
What I am trying to say is, if things aren’t broken, don’t fix it. However, if you are someone who dreads holiday traveling, despises the repetitive Thanksgiving turkey and stuffing menu, and cannot bare to imagine seeing that relative, then simply don’t. Instead, do things differently for a change.
Yes, there are plenty of great things that come with family tradition, and I am not by any means attempting to take away from all the greatness that come with generational past times, I am merely offering an alternative and stress-free way to celebrate.
Ask yourself: What would make the Holidays even more enjoyable?
I asked myself that question and the answer was clear. I do not want to spend hours and hours driving to my mom’s house. I want to eat something unpredictable and different this year. I want to spend less money.
With those things in mind, I called my sister and brainstormed a new Thanksgiving game plan. Once we came up with a new plan, we proposed it to the rest of our family. A few phone conversations later, I am proud to say that my family and I will be mixing things up this Thanksgiving.
Here are some ideas to mix up Thanksgiving this year:
Remember, if things could be more enjoyable, then work on getting them to be so. Just because things have been done a certain way does not mean that it is destined to be that way forever. I encourage you to be courageous enough to create new traditions and propose options to your family that will allow for less stress this holiday season. You have the power of choice, and you can choose options that feel right for you.
How will you switch up Thanksgiving this year? If you are keeping it the same, what are some traditions your family participates in?
Filed under Holiday
Author: Sheilah Overman, MS., Marriage & Family Therapy Intern, IMF #71336
What does organization have to do with mental health? Well, a lot, actually.
Have you ever had a tough day and all you wanted to do was go home, plop on the couch and disengage from it all? I’m sure that is what most people have on their minds at the end of their work day. Sadly, when we walk in our front door we are often welcomed home by dishes in the sink, laundry to fold, mail to sort through, the desk needs to be organized, and oh, you have yet to find a home for those birthday presents you just received.
Home is suppose to be a tranquil environment, yet all of our disorganized junk makes it a cluttered storage unit of things that we intend on getting to “next week“. Organization does not happen over night. It takes effort to create a spot for every little thing. Yes, EVERY little thing.
Here are tips to start organizing your home:
Note: In order to honor all your hard work, make sure to remind yourself to put things back once you’ve used them. After all, it will only take a second to do!
Once every single item in your home has it’s own home, you may realize that you will become more efficient in your daily task because things are easier to find. Hopefully, your mind will be at ease as well.
Helpful links: The Container Store, Ikea, California Closets
Filed under Organization
Source: glamour.com
Author: Sheilah Overman, MS., Marriage & Family Therapy Intern, IMF #71336
According to numerous studies, the majority of us are not getting the amount of sleep needed in order to function at our optimal best, which not only leaves us feeling lethargic, and zombie-like during the day, but also takes a toll on our physical and emotional health. Lack of sleep can leave us with: heightened irritability, more anxiousness, less desire to engage with other’s socially, a sense of fogginess, and a likely hood to feel aggravated throughout the day. All of which could lead to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, impulsive eating, disinterest in physical activity, and elevated blood pressure.
Sure, everybody might not need the standard 8 hours of shut-eye per evening; some may need more, and the lucky ones may require less. You may ask, “How much sleep does my body really need?” And with that, I would like to suggest a sleep experiment that may allow you to sufficiently answer that very question. In order to figure out how much sleep your body needs to recharge:
Until very recently, I had been convinced that I only needed 5-6 hours of sleep per night. After conducting this experiment, I found that I actually need 8 1/2- 9 solid hours of sleep!!! Imagine how much more alert, productive, and creative I could have been if I had known that sooner. Now, I really make it a priority to accommodate those 9 hours.
Please let me know of any thoughts you might have.
Until next time, Sleep tight!
Filed under Sleep
